Jack Womack's
Strange Book of the Month Club

A banal title belies the content. 82-year old Mrs. Desguin stretches the boundaries of the scientific method until they snap like stale taffy. "Her now vast knowledge of the subject has been built through personal interviews with contactees, through dedicated support of groups such as the Intergalactic Looking Society, and through years of evaluation."

So states the cover blurb of this effervescent tome, and plainly Mrs. Desguin has spent considerable time hanging out in convenience store check-out lanes, increasing knowledge that must surely have been impressive to begin with. Understand, Mrs. Desguin proves the reality of UFOs, and demonstrates her own keen grasp of the material, by only citing references previously published in The Weekly World News and other select tabloids.

Our cold-eyed Lillian is as skeptical as you'd hope. With the permission - nay, blessing - of the editors of these great newspapers of America, she reprints dozens of their articles, rating each one on a believability scale of one to ten, ten being metaphysical certitude. Match the following headlines with Mrs. Desguin's annotations:

• A) "Vampires From Space Drank Our Blood!"
• B) "Proof ETs Making Test-Tube Half-Breed Babies"
• C) "Cops Baffled by Flying Banana"

• a)"I hate to tell you -- but I believe this article deserves a 10."
• b) "This is a 10 article. It may come from a grocery store tabloid but there is much evidence to support everything that is given."
• c) "This is a true article and you read it in the Sun. A 10 please."

That's right -- all are correct.

The experienced reader in this field will not be surprised to hear that Mrs. Desguin includes within the body of the text an abridged recipe for rabbit casserole, and many pages (many) of poetic stylings.

"If you follow the Weekly World tabloid, And the articles they show -- You'll learn more about this subject, Than most other people know!"

Let us allow Mrs. Desguins to have the last word -- this reviewer cannot improve upon perfection.

"With the discussion of UFOs, I need to know what topics to use to assure that I have not strayed from my subject-matter. Just as shades of red, blue and yellow produce my browns, I know that the subject-matter in the discussion of UFOs is unlimited. As far as I know there are no holds barred!"

A 10, please.